That is all.
Tuesday 9 November 2010
Sunday 31 October 2010
Accepting
I felt quite overwhelmed tonight. We had a Taize service at church this evening, and in the midst of moments of tiredness and my mind wandering, I was really struck in the silence and the reflection.
I was struck by God's blessings - over my whole life, over the course of our time here in Buckingham, though it has been hard emotionally and physically. I felt really overwhelmed by how God has provided for us here, sometimes slowly but always surely, sometimes in big, material, palpable ways. By the opportunities that have come up as a result of the door closing on my original job offer, by the way things are gradually falling into place, relationships forming and things settling.
I was struck by the fact that I need to humbly accept - to accept whatever God is giving or taking away, to accept what he has in store for us, even when we don't understand. To humbly accept the good things, seeing them for the blessings that they are, and the bad things and harder times, continuing to praise him and know his constant love and goodness that never changes, no matter what happens to us and what we feel. I was just struck by a humble sense of worship of my huge, loving Father, so patient with me, despite all my detours, so close by.
A sense that I need to humbly accept everything that he has put before me - the place and role that Dave and I are in here and now, the difficulties we are working through, the church that he has led us to, the fact that he chooses to use the church universal at all, the need to keep fighting and loving amidst the disillusioning fallenness of humanity. The baggage and anger and everything that he has always called me to let go of and forgive. The commands and the path that we all need to follow. I was just struck by the fact that I need to just humbly accept what God wants for us corporately and for me individually.
I was struck by the fact that I trust God, that I am so grateful, and these things are what I need to do. All so simple and yet so complicated.
Tuesday 28 September 2010
Teething pains
I am playing the role of housewife now, which is a strange place to be. The past few months have been a flurry of activity, and from in the space of about 2 months I have gone from being an engaged, stressed and burned out Oasis volunteer in Bristol to a married Criddle living in Buckingham, waiting to start a job with paperwork that never seems to come through. After months of waiting, I am still on the end of the phone, asking HR what the cheese is going on with my paperwork, and whether there is any end in sight and projected start date for when I will be able to start my job, to no avail. My occupational health paperwork is still being processed, and I am still here in limbo, with no idea when my job will properly begin.
In the meantime, I am finding it lonely and a bit empty where we currently are. Dave has been working for about a month now, so he is in the rhythm of employment and we are feeling the real pull of not having enough time together. Me being at home all day with no work really just compounds the lack. We love being married, love being able to wake up and go to sleep lying next to each other, love being able to share every detail of life with no sense of rush or pressure like we did when we were doing long distance. We are growing in what it means to share life together in marriage. But I think I understand now why people advise that in the first year of marriage you carve out lots and lots of exclusive time for your spouse; because you need that time, and you need to focus on your marriage, and you just miss each other and want to be together a lot! As a church employee, I feel like those boundaries can be blurred for Dave, and we are feeling the weight of the evening meetings, the long clubs. I guess it would be the same no matter what jobs we had, but I suppose it is difficult not to miss your spouse and wish you had more time with them.
I am remembering that settling into a new area can be difficult and exhausting, especially when there is no obvious social grouping that you can tap into to make friends. I have made a few friends at church but most of the people are church are demographically and personality-wise not really on the same wavelength as Dave and I. So we are missing the sense of connection and community we had each in the respective places we previously were. I miss my friends dotted all over the place, I miss Bristol, Oasis, the vision and drive we had there. It was hard and so flawed but I find myself missing it, and missing a church that was all about mission to the lost, through and through. We fight completely different battles here and Dave and I are finding the traditional, inward-looking, affluent middle-classs swathes and trends of the church here difficult and stifling. I know that change is on the brink of happening, and God brought us here to be agents and movers of that change, and I know that we are not meant to settle comfortably into a church that suits us just because it is easy. But sometimes I wonder whether this is a fight worth investing so much time and energy into, when there are so many other fights in the world that are lacking soldiers and that I would more naturally associate myself with.
I think it is all just teething pains, because some things have got easier, and we are gradually meeting lovely and like-minded people. I think it is just the sense of confusion and ennui that I have been feeling, the sense of malaise, uselessness, stasis that I have got myself into from being at home all day. I find it hard not to feel discouraged and empty, wondering where I am and what I am supposed to be doing myself. I find myself batting off feelings of worthlessness and lack, teetering on the edge of destructive self-loathing. Yet, such a call to action, such a call to being the change, to showing God's love, to fighting for those who have no voice. Such a clear call to what we are supposed to be doing as followers of Jesus. And still I cannot stand up against the yearnings and falterings of my own heart.
It is a strange place to be, but some things remain so clear. That God loves, and that love in unconditional. That God does not call us to be passive consumers, embedded in our cultural and demographic framework, but active championers of those in need, proclaimers of the good news that Jesus came to share with all people, the ones the world esteems and the ones the world despises, the ones on the right side of society, reaping its benefits, and the ones on the wrong side of the tracks, marginalized and disadvantaged by the system we are all born into. God is here, and God became flesh to come and bring hope to us all. And we are to follow Jesus into those places, in the hope of transforming and inspiring others to do the same, to walk the road of freedom and justice and mercy, of service and footwashing. We are to love God and wash the world's feet in love.
So, every day is a day that tries to make the ideal meet the reality. Onwards.
Wednesday 30 June 2010
Cycles
A few days ago, I had one of the best days of my life. In the space of 3 hours, I passed my driving test, replaced my dead laptop with a brand new Mac (and complimentary promotional iPod touch), and got offered the job that I had applied and interviewed for (as a healthcare assistant in a young people's psychiatric unit)!
I was pretty overwhelmed by all this good news, and didn't quite know how to react to it all! I couldn't remember the last time I had been bowled over by such generous, abundant blessing. Pretty amazing. I felt very grateful and lucky.
It has got me thinking about cycles. It is hard to break out of cycles, habits, assumptions you build over your whole life. People who work with vulnerable populations, the 'down and out', are trained in this issue well, and 'breaking cycles' is spoken of again and again. But I think it is true of most people as well.
My default thinking pattern and expectation is to be negative. I expect bad news, or little good news, I think, most of my days. I expect to fail at things, I expect disappointment and hardship and struggle. Sometimes I don't really know where these expectations come from - I have lived a privileged life and am very lucky in the worldly sense. Dave pointed out that I have passed and got everything that I have applied for in my life thus far, and I realized that factually, he is right. Yet in my head and heart I spend so much mental and emotional energy worrying about and expecting failure. And I don't quite know how to react to the good things, or how to hang onto them and gain strength and energy. I struggle to break the cycle.
When people speak about blessing and gratitude in a spiritual sense, I have these past few years gained quite a Kierkgaardian perspective on it all. I've never quite believed in hanging on to God's blessings in the sense of good things that he gives and good things that happen, and praising his name and goodness on account of those things. Because I know that they can so easily be taken away, or bad things can happen, and if you stake the notion of God's blessings and goodness on good things and events, then it becomes frail and dependent on those things, and will surely crumble in times of trouble. In my head my default is to try and understand God's goodness in a very Job-like fashion; that he is good no matter what happens, and we must praise him whether he gives or takes away.
But at this juncture I am learning about blessings, about the good things as well as well as the bad (or neutral). That God is the author and source of those things too, and it is ok to thank and praise him for those things, all the while not becoming dependent on them for one's understanding of God's unchanging nature.
So I praise God, and thank him for everything he has done.
I was pretty overwhelmed by all this good news, and didn't quite know how to react to it all! I couldn't remember the last time I had been bowled over by such generous, abundant blessing. Pretty amazing. I felt very grateful and lucky.
It has got me thinking about cycles. It is hard to break out of cycles, habits, assumptions you build over your whole life. People who work with vulnerable populations, the 'down and out', are trained in this issue well, and 'breaking cycles' is spoken of again and again. But I think it is true of most people as well.
My default thinking pattern and expectation is to be negative. I expect bad news, or little good news, I think, most of my days. I expect to fail at things, I expect disappointment and hardship and struggle. Sometimes I don't really know where these expectations come from - I have lived a privileged life and am very lucky in the worldly sense. Dave pointed out that I have passed and got everything that I have applied for in my life thus far, and I realized that factually, he is right. Yet in my head and heart I spend so much mental and emotional energy worrying about and expecting failure. And I don't quite know how to react to the good things, or how to hang onto them and gain strength and energy. I struggle to break the cycle.
When people speak about blessing and gratitude in a spiritual sense, I have these past few years gained quite a Kierkgaardian perspective on it all. I've never quite believed in hanging on to God's blessings in the sense of good things that he gives and good things that happen, and praising his name and goodness on account of those things. Because I know that they can so easily be taken away, or bad things can happen, and if you stake the notion of God's blessings and goodness on good things and events, then it becomes frail and dependent on those things, and will surely crumble in times of trouble. In my head my default is to try and understand God's goodness in a very Job-like fashion; that he is good no matter what happens, and we must praise him whether he gives or takes away.
But at this juncture I am learning about blessings, about the good things as well as well as the bad (or neutral). That God is the author and source of those things too, and it is ok to thank and praise him for those things, all the while not becoming dependent on them for one's understanding of God's unchanging nature.
So I praise God, and thank him for everything he has done.
Monday 21 June 2010
'When I am afraid, I will trust in you'
Reading Scripture at this time of uncertainty, realizing that the psalmists proclaim trust and hope in God like battle cries.
Trusting and hoping in God are active states. They are declared, like punches that grab at the reality that God wants us to live in. They are a running against the current, against the very real despair and worries in which the psalmists live.
Very much like we may live in now. For those of us who don't live under the relentless opposition of kingdoms wanting to kill us, we may live with the stress and strain of the future or our own inner demons tearing us apart. At this juncture, where many of us look into the future and all there is a blank, an open space of trembling uncertainty and lack of security, we must trust and hope in God.
What does that mean?
Life changes, people change, but God never changes. He is good, and trustworthy, and faithful, all the time. He has always been who He is, and always will be.
So we who live here in this strange land, in this strange place in time, we proclaim hope and trust in Him like battle cries. When everything in us and around us feels like all that we have is out of control and there's no way out of it. We remember that God is still God. We remember things like Psalm 56, and all they mean. We remember that we must fight to trust, hope, and have faith in the God of inconceivable goodness and power of whom our whole lives are praise.
And we say, Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Trusting and hoping in God are active states. They are declared, like punches that grab at the reality that God wants us to live in. They are a running against the current, against the very real despair and worries in which the psalmists live.
Very much like we may live in now. For those of us who don't live under the relentless opposition of kingdoms wanting to kill us, we may live with the stress and strain of the future or our own inner demons tearing us apart. At this juncture, where many of us look into the future and all there is a blank, an open space of trembling uncertainty and lack of security, we must trust and hope in God.
What does that mean?
Life changes, people change, but God never changes. He is good, and trustworthy, and faithful, all the time. He has always been who He is, and always will be.
So we who live here in this strange land, in this strange place in time, we proclaim hope and trust in Him like battle cries. When everything in us and around us feels like all that we have is out of control and there's no way out of it. We remember that God is still God. We remember things like Psalm 56, and all they mean. We remember that we must fight to trust, hope, and have faith in the God of inconceivable goodness and power of whom our whole lives are praise.
And we say, Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Friday 18 June 2010
Job 1:20-21
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshipped. And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
Thursday 3 June 2010
'And the bride will run to her lover's arms...'
"The Bible tells many stories of human marriages...But above these stories the Bible tells a bigger story, the story of a marriage which includes within itself the whole history and future of the human race. It is the story of God the Lover, the Bridegroom, the Husband, and his people his Beloved, his Bride, and in the end his Wife. It is the story that John the Baptist had in mind when he spoke of Jesus as the 'Bridegroom' (John 3:25-30), and the story that Jesus himself accepted when he spoke of himself as the 'Bridegroom' (eg. Mt 9:14-15). It is the story Paul referred to when he spoke of the church being 'engaged' to Jesus Christ like a pure virgin (2 Cor 11:2).
It is the story that John speaks of in the visionary imagery of Revelation 19 and 21... At the climax of human history John hears the announcement, 'The marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready' (Rev 19:7). The Lamb, the Lord Jesus Christ himself, is to be married at last. His Bride is his people, every believer of all time, corporately to be joined to him forever in a union of unmixed delight and intimacy. This is a time of joy and amazement. And then, in Revelation 21, John sees the heavenly Jerusalem, that is, the whole new heavens and new earth, the restored and redeemed created order, coming down out of heaven as a city, but not only a city, also a bride...'the bride, the wife of the Lamb' (Rev 21:2,9). All of the people of God in the new heavens and new earth are the bride of Jesus Christ. That is to say, he loves them passionately, and they love him with an answering love.
And in that new age their love will be consummated with an intimacy and enduring delight that the best human marriage can only begin faintly to echo... This is an amazing and beautiful prospect: a time when all the deepest yearnings and longings of the human heart will be fulfilled. And it is open to all who will come in repentance and faith to Jesus Christ in this age. The invitation is open."
- Christopher Ash, 'Married for God'
It is the story that John speaks of in the visionary imagery of Revelation 19 and 21... At the climax of human history John hears the announcement, 'The marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready' (Rev 19:7). The Lamb, the Lord Jesus Christ himself, is to be married at last. His Bride is his people, every believer of all time, corporately to be joined to him forever in a union of unmixed delight and intimacy. This is a time of joy and amazement. And then, in Revelation 21, John sees the heavenly Jerusalem, that is, the whole new heavens and new earth, the restored and redeemed created order, coming down out of heaven as a city, but not only a city, also a bride...'the bride, the wife of the Lamb' (Rev 21:2,9). All of the people of God in the new heavens and new earth are the bride of Jesus Christ. That is to say, he loves them passionately, and they love him with an answering love.
And in that new age their love will be consummated with an intimacy and enduring delight that the best human marriage can only begin faintly to echo... This is an amazing and beautiful prospect: a time when all the deepest yearnings and longings of the human heart will be fulfilled. And it is open to all who will come in repentance and faith to Jesus Christ in this age. The invitation is open."
- Christopher Ash, 'Married for God'
Tuesday 18 May 2010
What are we fighting for?
I don't know if it is just me, or if it is something that many or most people feel at some point or another in their lives. Sometimes when the challenges come like floods, and the difficulties of putting one foot in front of the other are too much to grasp, when the gap between the ideal and the reality seems insurmountable and pointless, then the question hangs like silence - What exactly are we fighting for?
Maybe it is because I have found hope a hard thing to hang on to lately, in the flurry of life and discouragement and confusion and uncertainty, of conflict and tension and grappling with grace and God. Maybe it is 'cause of these things that I ask the question, and try to figure out what it is that we are hoping for. What it is that is the hope that is supposed to be keeping me carrying on.
Our hope is for a kingdom made not by hands, not by our efforts and rewards and merits. We hope for the coming of the King, whose ministry is one that turns the tables and puts out the flame of power for mercy and suffering grace. Our hope is in the One who sees you and me and every single one of us just as we are, and loves us with a love so strong that no waters can quench it and no amount of darkness or evil can bring it to the end of its rope. We hope for the One in whom the end is just the beginning.
When He comes it will all be alright again, it will all be new again, and everything that was lost and damaged and scarred and hurt will be reclaimed and washed over by the white snow of His all-knowing wisdom and healing.
This hope that we have is not just for the cosmos, the universe, the world as a whole and the universal community of humanity. This hope is the life of each and every one of us, the individuals that make up the community, because God sees you and me and His vision cuts deep into the recesses of our being with a knowing that knows us like the back of His hand. And in this hope we believe that there will be a time beyond time when all our hopes and fears and dreams and desires will be fulfilled, and that the world we live in will be one of peace in ourselves, with each other, with God, with the new earth and the new heaven.
This hope is meant to burn in my being, deep in my soul, to set me alight with the fire of the Spirit that sears me to His glorious touch. But right now it feels far away, and I find myself in this place, desperately asking the question.
I pray for all of you that it would be our greatest and ultimate hope.
Maybe it is because I have found hope a hard thing to hang on to lately, in the flurry of life and discouragement and confusion and uncertainty, of conflict and tension and grappling with grace and God. Maybe it is 'cause of these things that I ask the question, and try to figure out what it is that we are hoping for. What it is that is the hope that is supposed to be keeping me carrying on.
Our hope is for a kingdom made not by hands, not by our efforts and rewards and merits. We hope for the coming of the King, whose ministry is one that turns the tables and puts out the flame of power for mercy and suffering grace. Our hope is in the One who sees you and me and every single one of us just as we are, and loves us with a love so strong that no waters can quench it and no amount of darkness or evil can bring it to the end of its rope. We hope for the One in whom the end is just the beginning.
When He comes it will all be alright again, it will all be new again, and everything that was lost and damaged and scarred and hurt will be reclaimed and washed over by the white snow of His all-knowing wisdom and healing.
This hope that we have is not just for the cosmos, the universe, the world as a whole and the universal community of humanity. This hope is the life of each and every one of us, the individuals that make up the community, because God sees you and me and His vision cuts deep into the recesses of our being with a knowing that knows us like the back of His hand. And in this hope we believe that there will be a time beyond time when all our hopes and fears and dreams and desires will be fulfilled, and that the world we live in will be one of peace in ourselves, with each other, with God, with the new earth and the new heaven.
This hope is meant to burn in my being, deep in my soul, to set me alight with the fire of the Spirit that sears me to His glorious touch. But right now it feels far away, and I find myself in this place, desperately asking the question.
I pray for all of you that it would be our greatest and ultimate hope.
Tuesday 4 May 2010
3 months
3 months til the big day, and I find myself here in this place, tired. Long distance is a sucker, everyone knows that. I find myself drained. Spent a weekend and bank holiday Monday with Dave, and was hit really hard again on the train journey back to Bristol. I really miss my fiance. And long distance really does suck.
We have a lot lined up for us in our separate lives these next three months, but I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually willing for them to be over in the blink of an eye. I am sure every couple feels this when they are in the engagement limbo, but truth be told it really is indescribably rubbish being apart and having to juggle the stresses of life and preparation for marriage when it is difficult negotiating time to spend quality time together. There are things that have been good for us to learn - communication, appreciating time together, developing as individuals as well as a couple, etc. But I feel that at this juncture in our relationship and engagement, all we want - need?- to do is be together. We miss each other so much. It really sucks.
Ah, a blogpost whiny and negative as ever. I apologise. I am just tired, and just thinking of the weekends lined up and things I have to do drains me. I am running 10k on Sunday and have literally no idea how I am going to get out of it alive (my training has been lax and I really am not an athletic person). And generally the days can feel empty when your heart is somewhere else. Life can feel such a downer sometimes.
There. A bit (or rather a lot) of honesty for my illusory readers out there. If you are reading this, I am sorry! Go after this and do something that will make you feel good...
We have a lot lined up for us in our separate lives these next three months, but I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually willing for them to be over in the blink of an eye. I am sure every couple feels this when they are in the engagement limbo, but truth be told it really is indescribably rubbish being apart and having to juggle the stresses of life and preparation for marriage when it is difficult negotiating time to spend quality time together. There are things that have been good for us to learn - communication, appreciating time together, developing as individuals as well as a couple, etc. But I feel that at this juncture in our relationship and engagement, all we want - need?- to do is be together. We miss each other so much. It really sucks.
Ah, a blogpost whiny and negative as ever. I apologise. I am just tired, and just thinking of the weekends lined up and things I have to do drains me. I am running 10k on Sunday and have literally no idea how I am going to get out of it alive (my training has been lax and I really am not an athletic person). And generally the days can feel empty when your heart is somewhere else. Life can feel such a downer sometimes.
There. A bit (or rather a lot) of honesty for my illusory readers out there. If you are reading this, I am sorry! Go after this and do something that will make you feel good...
Tuesday 6 April 2010
Tuesday 30 March 2010
'Only a sinner saved by grace'
My friend Graham found that sentence doodled in a Salvation Army band journal by his grandfather decades ago. I feel I have learned the meaning of it well this year.
I have often felt the walls close in and the weight of the chaos of life flooding me. I have felt that particularly this evening, staring into the abyss of the endless to do lists in the endless different areas of my life, floundering in the tension of the person I wish I were and the person I am.
I have become more and more aware of this tension in this stage of my life. A sinner called to holiness. Broken but saved by grace. Enslaved to all these things that drag me down, but freed by love. More and more I feel the pain and longing of doing the very things I hate. God sees only Christ in me but I cannot escape from it.
I have seen the absolute best and absolute worst in myself this year. Things I never thought existed. Feelings I never thought I would face. What kind of God can see and know all these things, better than I ever will, and still love me infinitely much. I don't understand it.
Kierkegaard believed that faith in God could only really come about through the struggle with and awareness of one's own vanity and sin. I feel I have come to the end of my tether in my struggles. God's arms are still open for me. His love, mercy, and forgiveness have never failed. His grace is unfathomably constant. I just can't understand it.
We live in this tension. Does anyone else feel it too? Sometimes it takes a miracle to stay the course and not pack it all in. To believe that you are free from all the crappy things you have done and felt. To choose God over everything inside that tells you you will never come to anything. To have faith that there is still good and love inside you to give. To have hope that things are going to be ok. That we will all make it through.
What kind of God would love us this much? We are so blessed.
I have often felt the walls close in and the weight of the chaos of life flooding me. I have felt that particularly this evening, staring into the abyss of the endless to do lists in the endless different areas of my life, floundering in the tension of the person I wish I were and the person I am.
I have become more and more aware of this tension in this stage of my life. A sinner called to holiness. Broken but saved by grace. Enslaved to all these things that drag me down, but freed by love. More and more I feel the pain and longing of doing the very things I hate. God sees only Christ in me but I cannot escape from it.
I have seen the absolute best and absolute worst in myself this year. Things I never thought existed. Feelings I never thought I would face. What kind of God can see and know all these things, better than I ever will, and still love me infinitely much. I don't understand it.
Kierkegaard believed that faith in God could only really come about through the struggle with and awareness of one's own vanity and sin. I feel I have come to the end of my tether in my struggles. God's arms are still open for me. His love, mercy, and forgiveness have never failed. His grace is unfathomably constant. I just can't understand it.
We live in this tension. Does anyone else feel it too? Sometimes it takes a miracle to stay the course and not pack it all in. To believe that you are free from all the crappy things you have done and felt. To choose God over everything inside that tells you you will never come to anything. To have faith that there is still good and love inside you to give. To have hope that things are going to be ok. That we will all make it through.
What kind of God would love us this much? We are so blessed.
Monday 22 March 2010
Prescription or description?
A while ago, Dave and I had a chat about my big question in relation to the amazingness of Acts. Dave mentioned that there is quite a lot of debate among theologians about whether sections of the New Testament like Acts are prescriptive or descriptive. In other words, is the way that the gospel is preached and shared by the apostles something that we should emulate and follow (prescriptive), or is Acts merely a description of the way the apostles preached the gospel in those days (descriptive)?
I feel like this has been a massive issue in thinking about my big question. I have thought, read, and spoke to people about how we should share our faith but whenever I try and think about the way the apostles have done it I find myself wondering how that fits into our time and whether we need to be doing it the same way that they did.
Dave mentioned that there should always be three things that you consider when trying to figure out how to apply things in the Bible to life:
1. What does it say?
2. What is the immutable, unchanging, universal basis on which that statement is made? What is the truth that the statement is expressing, that is not limited to the cultural or historical context from which it came?
3. What is the outworking of that universal basis/truth today? How does it look?
I have just finished reading 'Chasing the Dragon' and marvel at how word and action are so integrated in Jackie Pullinger's experience of sharing her faith. I wonder, what would that kind of power look like in Shirehampton, in the circles in which I move, with my family, with my friends? Is there one way to do it - the way the apostles did it in Acts and the way Jackie Pullinger did it in Hong Kong? Or is there loads of ways that you can share your faith - in less in your face ways, like Jill Rowe and Jen mentioned?
Are there contexts in which explicit preaching is not appropriate or not really powerful, and in which we share our faith through actions and then wait for conversations to happen? I am finding myself more and more unconvinced of this, because when I look at the way Paul and Jackie Pullinger preached the gospel - and with such results and such effectiveness - I never find them shying away from speaking about the truths which we sometimes fear would make people feel too uncomfortable. They just came out and said it while serving people, spoke the truth just as it was. They did that while coming alongside people. But the way they spoke the gospel was powerful and passionate and hard hitting.
I wonder what that would look like, here and now. In the Academies in which we work, in the broken communities and people we serve. Would God's spirit and power move in them the same way that it did with the drug addicts and triads in Hong Kong, with the people that Paul preached to?
I think in our heads we have been accustomed to thinking: no, it wouldn't. People wouldn't respond to it. That's over simplistic and too in your face, too exclusive, too conservative, too out there.
But what if that's all not true? What if God is just waiting for people who can share the gospel with actions and words, with true power, with no fear? With love that cuts deep into the hearts of people who are broken and weak and yearning for Him?
What if we are just making excuses because we're scared and we don't know how to share our faith?
I feel like this has been a massive issue in thinking about my big question. I have thought, read, and spoke to people about how we should share our faith but whenever I try and think about the way the apostles have done it I find myself wondering how that fits into our time and whether we need to be doing it the same way that they did.
Dave mentioned that there should always be three things that you consider when trying to figure out how to apply things in the Bible to life:
1. What does it say?
2. What is the immutable, unchanging, universal basis on which that statement is made? What is the truth that the statement is expressing, that is not limited to the cultural or historical context from which it came?
3. What is the outworking of that universal basis/truth today? How does it look?
I have just finished reading 'Chasing the Dragon' and marvel at how word and action are so integrated in Jackie Pullinger's experience of sharing her faith. I wonder, what would that kind of power look like in Shirehampton, in the circles in which I move, with my family, with my friends? Is there one way to do it - the way the apostles did it in Acts and the way Jackie Pullinger did it in Hong Kong? Or is there loads of ways that you can share your faith - in less in your face ways, like Jill Rowe and Jen mentioned?
Are there contexts in which explicit preaching is not appropriate or not really powerful, and in which we share our faith through actions and then wait for conversations to happen? I am finding myself more and more unconvinced of this, because when I look at the way Paul and Jackie Pullinger preached the gospel - and with such results and such effectiveness - I never find them shying away from speaking about the truths which we sometimes fear would make people feel too uncomfortable. They just came out and said it while serving people, spoke the truth just as it was. They did that while coming alongside people. But the way they spoke the gospel was powerful and passionate and hard hitting.
I wonder what that would look like, here and now. In the Academies in which we work, in the broken communities and people we serve. Would God's spirit and power move in them the same way that it did with the drug addicts and triads in Hong Kong, with the people that Paul preached to?
I think in our heads we have been accustomed to thinking: no, it wouldn't. People wouldn't respond to it. That's over simplistic and too in your face, too exclusive, too conservative, too out there.
But what if that's all not true? What if God is just waiting for people who can share the gospel with actions and words, with true power, with no fear? With love that cuts deep into the hearts of people who are broken and weak and yearning for Him?
What if we are just making excuses because we're scared and we don't know how to share our faith?
Wednesday 17 March 2010
Coming alongside
It's been a while since I last blogged - life has been really chaotic and busy lately and I have once again found myself spread over 3 places at once, not being completely there, apologies! So back to my big question now, and my recent reflections on it..
I have had several really interesting conversations with people lately which have flowed into the subject of their experience of what the most effective and powerful times of sharing their faith have been. Just had a great chat this morning with lovely Jen, and on Monday we threesixtys had coffee with the legendary Jill Rowe - both times got me thinking about coming alongside people as a really powerful sharing of the gospel.
I asked Jill Rowe what her experience of sharing her faith has been, the ways in which she has been able to do it and that have struck people the most. She says that sharing her faith has always taken place in the context of coming alongside people on their journey of life. She said that in the course of loving people unconditionally and being there for them, and serving, she would never shy away from talking about her faith when asked about it, but that there was always a phase where the questions would start changing - they would become not just quick questions about what you believe but about how it made a difference, how did it feel to have faith, how would it be for things to be like that, etc. In other words, she said that there was always a stage where the questions became seeking questions, when the other person became interested in the faith that she was sharing. And she said that was the big opening for more sharing to occur.
Relatedly, Jen talked about coming alongside people in the context of serving. Our community is trying to get people of all faiths or none to join us in serving those in need, but in the process of coming alongside each other in the unified purpose of serving the needy, we should be continually talking about and sharing our faith and our motivation for serving. So, serving/good works are not themselves all we do to share the gospel, because it is not only Christians that feel passionate about social justice etc. But as we join together with those who do not share our faith, serving them and serving with them, we come alongside them and build relationships where we can talk about and share the gospel that we believe.
I am genuinely interested in how this occurs, because I have many friends and family members that I love dearly who are not Christian and who have known me for so long that for some reason I don't really know what the appropriate way is to share my faith, how to speak about it. None of them have really reached that second phase of questions that Jill Rowe spoke about, where the questions are seeking questions. Not many of them have really joined with me in the vision of serving others, though they may be ideologically pro social action and the world becoming a better place.
Jill Rowe mentioned that you just have to be patient, and know that it really does make a difference. That coming alongside people and loving them unconditionally, showing them a way to live that is serving, merciful, gracious, is actually very powerful. And never to be ashamed to speak about your faith when the openings come and the conversations arise. All in the context of journeying with people.
I don't really know what to think of all of it, or how it fits into any of our lives, especially mine. I know that sharing the gospel is a holistic thing, that you can't have one without the other, words without actions or actions without words. I know that you can't preach the gospel to someone without loving them unconditionally - that's a contradiction in terms. Maybe then there is no chronology for these things; that it can't be a case of living the lifestyle and then waiting to preach the gospel, or preaching the gospel first and foremost before building a relationship. Maybe it's all in one and that's why it's messy and it is a big question and there are no clear answers. Because we are human and imperfect and we never get it right. Because there's no model of how to do it right, and it's just this huge ball of being that is different in different times and with different people, one unified thing that we struggle with because it encompasses all aspects of one's life.
Thank God that He is bigger than all our inabilities to understand!
I have had several really interesting conversations with people lately which have flowed into the subject of their experience of what the most effective and powerful times of sharing their faith have been. Just had a great chat this morning with lovely Jen, and on Monday we threesixtys had coffee with the legendary Jill Rowe - both times got me thinking about coming alongside people as a really powerful sharing of the gospel.
I asked Jill Rowe what her experience of sharing her faith has been, the ways in which she has been able to do it and that have struck people the most. She says that sharing her faith has always taken place in the context of coming alongside people on their journey of life. She said that in the course of loving people unconditionally and being there for them, and serving, she would never shy away from talking about her faith when asked about it, but that there was always a phase where the questions would start changing - they would become not just quick questions about what you believe but about how it made a difference, how did it feel to have faith, how would it be for things to be like that, etc. In other words, she said that there was always a stage where the questions became seeking questions, when the other person became interested in the faith that she was sharing. And she said that was the big opening for more sharing to occur.
Relatedly, Jen talked about coming alongside people in the context of serving. Our community is trying to get people of all faiths or none to join us in serving those in need, but in the process of coming alongside each other in the unified purpose of serving the needy, we should be continually talking about and sharing our faith and our motivation for serving. So, serving/good works are not themselves all we do to share the gospel, because it is not only Christians that feel passionate about social justice etc. But as we join together with those who do not share our faith, serving them and serving with them, we come alongside them and build relationships where we can talk about and share the gospel that we believe.
I am genuinely interested in how this occurs, because I have many friends and family members that I love dearly who are not Christian and who have known me for so long that for some reason I don't really know what the appropriate way is to share my faith, how to speak about it. None of them have really reached that second phase of questions that Jill Rowe spoke about, where the questions are seeking questions. Not many of them have really joined with me in the vision of serving others, though they may be ideologically pro social action and the world becoming a better place.
Jill Rowe mentioned that you just have to be patient, and know that it really does make a difference. That coming alongside people and loving them unconditionally, showing them a way to live that is serving, merciful, gracious, is actually very powerful. And never to be ashamed to speak about your faith when the openings come and the conversations arise. All in the context of journeying with people.
I don't really know what to think of all of it, or how it fits into any of our lives, especially mine. I know that sharing the gospel is a holistic thing, that you can't have one without the other, words without actions or actions without words. I know that you can't preach the gospel to someone without loving them unconditionally - that's a contradiction in terms. Maybe then there is no chronology for these things; that it can't be a case of living the lifestyle and then waiting to preach the gospel, or preaching the gospel first and foremost before building a relationship. Maybe it's all in one and that's why it's messy and it is a big question and there are no clear answers. Because we are human and imperfect and we never get it right. Because there's no model of how to do it right, and it's just this huge ball of being that is different in different times and with different people, one unified thing that we struggle with because it encompasses all aspects of one's life.
Thank God that He is bigger than all our inabilities to understand!
Monday 1 March 2010
God is bigger than we think
Spent the weekend stewarding at the Faithworks conference - an exhausting but enjoyable experience. It was really nice to spend time with people and enjoy the Oasis staff - I am always so impressed by how nice, warm, and friendly they are! Got to sit in on a couple of sessions - heard Brian McLaren and Jeff Lucas speak, which was interesting.
I've just been thinking on and off - in this gap year, and in this movement/Christian circle, we are really encouraged to grapple and to question. For as long as I can remember I have been a fan of grappling and questioning, and have always encouraged and stood by that as well. But I have recently just felt tired in it - I am actually tired of constantly thinking and analyzing, of questioning, of grappling. It is really tiring! I can't help it and it comes naturally to me, but there are times when it does get a bit much.
I am pretty tired of being confused and in my mind constantly being on the guard and being questioning of things that people say about God and Christianity and the church. I know that this way is better and I don't want to mindlessly absorb what someone else tells me, believing it just because they said it passionately. But in all honesty it really is draining, and it is tiring being so genuinely confused all the time. I have been telling God lately, sometimes I just want some rest from it, and I am so grateful that in God there is no confusion and He has all the answers, that He is there in all of it but not part of this sense of fractured uncertainty.
I have heard and read several things in the broad movement in which Faithworks belongs and I have found myself thinking about how limited our human perception is. What I mean is that God is big, and He is so much bigger than what we imagine Him to be. He is bigger than a moral example and a force against injustice and a saviour to the marginalized and needy. He is bigger than theology and the Bible and cultural conceptions of salvation and liberation and freedom. He is bigger than any of that. He is all of that but infinitely more.
Sometimes I worry about the way that some people talk and write about God, that they may be reducing God to human proportions - making Jesus all about politics or all about the Bible or all about two ways to live or all about community action or all about subverting social standards, when in reality He is all of those things and more, and we need to make sure that we are not simply reacting against one form of misbalance by replacing it with another. I have gotten a bit fed up of reductionist portrayals of God and Jesus and the Bible and Christianity. I yearn for a truly holistic approach and I yearn for a true truth and a true balance.
But the truth is that God is bigger than anything we can ever imagine or understand, and we will always be stuck in this quandary of human limitations. And so we grapple, and we will never be able to understand the complete truth. So rightly or unrightly, I am always a bit skeptical when someone puts forward their interpretation or views about a theme or passage or event in the Bible and doesn't disclaim it with uncertainty about whether their view is correct, whatever view that is, whether it is labelled conservative or liberal or whatever else, because I don't think that just because someone says it, we have to accept it as true. I think there are people in this movement in which I now find myself who would advocate this approach of grappling and questioning and searching, but there is sometimes something missing in the way that they deliver their views and interpretation to make that approach a reality. They speak as though what they say is truth, indispensable, assumed. But there are people who don't agree.
I believe that God is bigger than any reductionist interpretation of His nature and His message. And reductionist interpretations of God and the gospel are all over the show. So if you are reading this I want to say to you - keep your eyes and ears open. Do not passively accept what people say to you. Be aware of when people are fitting God into a box of their own interpretation, even if they say they aren't. And most people who do this will say they aren't. Always question, turn it over in your mind, even if it's hard and you feel it will drive you insane. Because it's worth it. I am tired from doing it but I really believe it is worth it. I believe you get closer to the truth the more you examine it and struggle with it and search for it.
I believe that God is big enough to speak to everyone - the theologians, the politicians, the beggars and homeless, the young people, the middle class businessmen, the children, the teenage mothers, those who are rich and those who are poor and those who are reflective and those who are activist, everyone from every race and cultural and creed and place in life and time. The gospel of God is not confined to the lost and marginalized and poor people, nor is it confined to the privileged and rich and elite classes of society. It is not confined to anyone. It is for everyone. And this is why I find it hard to accept any doctrine that boils the gospel down to one thing, one category and one type of person, one mission and one command, reducing the message of Jesus to one call - to preach the gospel, or to teach the Bible, or to serve the poor, or to work for social justice, and so on. Because I believe that the gospel is so much bigger than one thing, and it is not doing God justice to hold one thing up and insist that it explains everything about who He is and what His will is. It is a very human thing to do, and we all do it in our finitude and subjectivity and passion. But I don't think we should. I think it is dangerous and in the end doesn't really get us anywhere.
That's why I love S.M. Lockridge's speech "That's My King" so much. With amazing poetic power he goes on about all the things God is - the sinner's saviour, the loftiest idea in literature, the fundamental doctrine of true theology, deliverer of captives, wellspring of wisdom, he just goes on and on... And I just love it, because God is all these amazing things, but still S.M. Lockridge gets to a point where he stops and says, "I wish I could describe Him to you, but He's indescribable, He's incomprehensible, He's invincible, He's irresistible."
We need to remember the greatness of God in His manifold and infinite wisdom, how much bigger He is than we are, how all-encompassing the gospel is. And we must remember that it is not just about one thing - it is about everything.
I've just been thinking on and off - in this gap year, and in this movement/Christian circle, we are really encouraged to grapple and to question. For as long as I can remember I have been a fan of grappling and questioning, and have always encouraged and stood by that as well. But I have recently just felt tired in it - I am actually tired of constantly thinking and analyzing, of questioning, of grappling. It is really tiring! I can't help it and it comes naturally to me, but there are times when it does get a bit much.
I am pretty tired of being confused and in my mind constantly being on the guard and being questioning of things that people say about God and Christianity and the church. I know that this way is better and I don't want to mindlessly absorb what someone else tells me, believing it just because they said it passionately. But in all honesty it really is draining, and it is tiring being so genuinely confused all the time. I have been telling God lately, sometimes I just want some rest from it, and I am so grateful that in God there is no confusion and He has all the answers, that He is there in all of it but not part of this sense of fractured uncertainty.
I have heard and read several things in the broad movement in which Faithworks belongs and I have found myself thinking about how limited our human perception is. What I mean is that God is big, and He is so much bigger than what we imagine Him to be. He is bigger than a moral example and a force against injustice and a saviour to the marginalized and needy. He is bigger than theology and the Bible and cultural conceptions of salvation and liberation and freedom. He is bigger than any of that. He is all of that but infinitely more.
Sometimes I worry about the way that some people talk and write about God, that they may be reducing God to human proportions - making Jesus all about politics or all about the Bible or all about two ways to live or all about community action or all about subverting social standards, when in reality He is all of those things and more, and we need to make sure that we are not simply reacting against one form of misbalance by replacing it with another. I have gotten a bit fed up of reductionist portrayals of God and Jesus and the Bible and Christianity. I yearn for a truly holistic approach and I yearn for a true truth and a true balance.
But the truth is that God is bigger than anything we can ever imagine or understand, and we will always be stuck in this quandary of human limitations. And so we grapple, and we will never be able to understand the complete truth. So rightly or unrightly, I am always a bit skeptical when someone puts forward their interpretation or views about a theme or passage or event in the Bible and doesn't disclaim it with uncertainty about whether their view is correct, whatever view that is, whether it is labelled conservative or liberal or whatever else, because I don't think that just because someone says it, we have to accept it as true. I think there are people in this movement in which I now find myself who would advocate this approach of grappling and questioning and searching, but there is sometimes something missing in the way that they deliver their views and interpretation to make that approach a reality. They speak as though what they say is truth, indispensable, assumed. But there are people who don't agree.
I believe that God is bigger than any reductionist interpretation of His nature and His message. And reductionist interpretations of God and the gospel are all over the show. So if you are reading this I want to say to you - keep your eyes and ears open. Do not passively accept what people say to you. Be aware of when people are fitting God into a box of their own interpretation, even if they say they aren't. And most people who do this will say they aren't. Always question, turn it over in your mind, even if it's hard and you feel it will drive you insane. Because it's worth it. I am tired from doing it but I really believe it is worth it. I believe you get closer to the truth the more you examine it and struggle with it and search for it.
I believe that God is big enough to speak to everyone - the theologians, the politicians, the beggars and homeless, the young people, the middle class businessmen, the children, the teenage mothers, those who are rich and those who are poor and those who are reflective and those who are activist, everyone from every race and cultural and creed and place in life and time. The gospel of God is not confined to the lost and marginalized and poor people, nor is it confined to the privileged and rich and elite classes of society. It is not confined to anyone. It is for everyone. And this is why I find it hard to accept any doctrine that boils the gospel down to one thing, one category and one type of person, one mission and one command, reducing the message of Jesus to one call - to preach the gospel, or to teach the Bible, or to serve the poor, or to work for social justice, and so on. Because I believe that the gospel is so much bigger than one thing, and it is not doing God justice to hold one thing up and insist that it explains everything about who He is and what His will is. It is a very human thing to do, and we all do it in our finitude and subjectivity and passion. But I don't think we should. I think it is dangerous and in the end doesn't really get us anywhere.
That's why I love S.M. Lockridge's speech "That's My King" so much. With amazing poetic power he goes on about all the things God is - the sinner's saviour, the loftiest idea in literature, the fundamental doctrine of true theology, deliverer of captives, wellspring of wisdom, he just goes on and on... And I just love it, because God is all these amazing things, but still S.M. Lockridge gets to a point where he stops and says, "I wish I could describe Him to you, but He's indescribable, He's incomprehensible, He's invincible, He's irresistible."
We need to remember the greatness of God in His manifold and infinite wisdom, how much bigger He is than we are, how all-encompassing the gospel is. And we must remember that it is not just about one thing - it is about everything.
Sunday 21 February 2010
Church
She's a mystery, isn't she? Still going after all this time. After the Crusades and the Inquisition and Christian cable television. Still going. And there continue to be people like me who believe she is one of the best ideas ever. In spite of all the ways she has veered off track. In spite of all the people who have actually turned away from God because of what they experienced in church. I am starting to realize why: The church is like a double-edged sword. When it's good, when it's on, when it's right, it's like nothing on earth. A group of people committed to selflessly serving and loving the world around them? Great. But when it's bad, all that potential gets turned the other way. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Sometimes in the same week. Sometimes in the same day.
But she will live on. She's indestructible. When she dies in one part of the world, she explodes in another. She's global. She's universal. She's everywhere. And while she's fragile, she's going to endure. In every generation there will be those who see her beauty and give their lives to see her shine. Jesus said the gates of hell will not prevail against her. That's strong language. And it's true. She will continue to roll across the ages, serving and giving and connecting people with God and each other. And people will abuse her and manipulate her and try to control her, but they'll pass on. And she will keep going. (Rob Bell, 'Velvet Elvis')
So here I am, still trying to believe in her after all of this.
But she will live on. She's indestructible. When she dies in one part of the world, she explodes in another. She's global. She's universal. She's everywhere. And while she's fragile, she's going to endure. In every generation there will be those who see her beauty and give their lives to see her shine. Jesus said the gates of hell will not prevail against her. That's strong language. And it's true. She will continue to roll across the ages, serving and giving and connecting people with God and each other. And people will abuse her and manipulate her and try to control her, but they'll pass on. And she will keep going. (Rob Bell, 'Velvet Elvis')
So here I am, still trying to believe in her after all of this.
Wednesday 17 February 2010
We should all read Acts more!
Wow. I just spent some time reading Acts 1-13 - so challenging and inspiring. So many things to think about - here are some ramblings and reflections (apologies for the inevitable length of this post)...
Acts is an unfolding of the apostles trying to carry out the Great Commission that Jesus commanded them, to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them all that he has commanded (Mt 28:18); the apostles hold on to this command, as when Peter says to the Gentiles that "he commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one appointed by God to be the judge of the living and the dead" (Acts 10:42). Reading Acts, I find myself thinking: proclaiming the gospel is a command of Christ - it is not an option, not something that is subordinate to good works and service, that we don't really have to do or can choose to shy away from. It is a positive command, an imperative. Jesus has commanded us to make disciples and teach people the gospel way of living.
This emphasis is shown throughout Acts and the movements of the apostles. Wherever they go, they actively and boldly (amazingly boldly!) proclaim the word of God, the gospel message, and what God has done for his people. I was really struck by the power of the gospel they proclaim (crowds instantly believe and are transformed, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, healing and signs and miracles), and how the apostles never shirked from opposition or persecution, or minced their words, even when the ways in which they preached the gospel were often quite harsh and would be deemed totally un-PC today. So Peter, speaking with such courage and conviction to the Jewish authorities, explaining the means by which a lame man was healed, basically tells them that it was accomplished through the power of Jesus who they crucified, and "there is salvation in no one else." (Acts 4.12) And when Peter is speaking to Simon, a recent convert and ex magician, after he wrongly wants to buy with money the ability to give people the Holy Spirit, he doesn't hold back in condemning Simon's behaviour - "Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity." And Simon responds with repentance!(Acts 8:20-24)
The apostles were not scared when they proclaimed the gospel. They were not worried that what they were saying would not be inclusive or PC enough. They were aware of the truth, power, and scandalous offensiveness of the gospel, they had such faith in the gospel and what God wanted them to do, and wanted to share this earth-shattering message of hope and salvation with everyone. And they proclaimed the gospel out of their love for God and to share the love of God, not for self-centred reasons or out of a desire to exclude. And they accomplished great things with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I feel so challenged by this. I know that I and many people find it hard to share faith and preach the gospel because of fear, fear of other people's opinions or feelings, of being rejected or appearing to reject others. It is a valid worry in a world where the Christian message has been distorted and expressed to people in harmful ways that have nothing to do with the gospel and the love that Jesus wanted us to show towards others. I know that many Christians and communities consequently find themselves in a place where they avoid preaching the gospel, focusing their energies on other things and inadvertently or deliberately downplaying the necessity of evangelism and teaching.
There is nothing wrong with these other things in themselves - service, striving for social justice, good works... These are good things commanded and encouraged by God. The life of the Acts community engaged in these things too, selling their possessions and distributing financial aid to widows and people in need, providing relief to those who needed it. But these things were never done in isolation from sharing the gospel with those who had not heard it or did not believe it. Sharing the gospel was always an emphasis, and the life of the community was always a continuation and expression of the faith that they had, transforming their lifestyles and making them servants of the gospel in all areas of their life.
Have a look at Acts 6. Here a situation arises where some widows in need are being neglected and not receiving enough aid in the daily distributions. The apostles respond to this by picking seven strong and faithful disciples to serve in this way, while continuing to devote themselves to prayer and the ministry of the word, saying that "It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables." (Acts 6:1-7)
What does this mean for us? The apostles tell the Christian community that "it is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables". Preaching the gospel is something that cannot be dispensed with or given up and replaced with something else. At the same time the apostles delegate the duty of service to certain chosen disciples, affirming its vital importance and the different gifts and callings that different followers had.
I note all these things because for a while I have believed, in reaction to many frustrations I have had with some hardline conservative evangelical approaches to the gospel that have one-sidedly stressed evangelism and the Bible over against all other vital aspects of Christian life and mission, that preaching the gospel overtly was somehow something that wasn't all that important in community and church. In being swept away with the negativity of past experiences in other Christian communities, I have become reactionary in my view of evangelism, failing to come to terms with the reality of the Acts community and way that the church of the apostles operated.
I believe that we need to find a way to preach the gospel that is powerful and accessible and makes sense to the people we live with today. When the apostles shared the gospel message with fellow Jews, they explained how Jesus fit into God's salvation history and was the fulfilment of Old Testament hopes and expectations as expressed in scripture. Stephen's speech in Acts 7, his defence of himself and the gospel, is amazingly powerful, and must have been even more so for the Jews who heard it. The apostles explained the gospel in ways that made sense to the people who were listening to them. I believe that we need to learn how to do this; we need to know and understand what people's hopes, dreams, fears, and expectations are in the 21st century context in which we live, and figure out how to live and speak out the truth of the gospel message in ways that will make sense to our contemporaries.
I also believe that maybe in our culture we have lost the sense of the power of the gospel. The apostles and Acts community saw and were channels of real gospel transformation around them because they really, truly knew and had faith in the power of the gospel themselves. Stephen was stoned praying to God for his executioners to be forgiven. Reading Acts, I found myself constantly doing double takes and asking, Do I believe the gospel this much? Do I have that kind of faith and intimacy with the Holy Spirit? Because I think that if I genuinely believed the gospel in the way the apostles did, out of such a deep, deep place in me, I would talk about it and proclaim it a lot more than I do. So this is a challenge to ourselves and our faith just as much as it is an ecclesiastical / missiological challenge.
I think we are comfortable, too. Not just in terms of socio economics, but also in terms of our culture and the way we relate to one another. What I mean is that for the average Christian in the privileged/developed world, to follow the Jesus way isn't really a path of suffering and persecution. In our interactions we are afraid and worried even of saying things that might not please the other person, so explaining the gospel to a non Christian is so difficult. So in our culture we feel the need to scale down the scandal of the gospel, the inherent offensiveness and discomfort of it to those who don't believe. Maybe we sacrifice the scandal of the gospel for comfortable inclusiveness, because we fear upsetting people, and we fear that we will lose the popularity and social gain that we so desperately desire for ourselves.
In many ways it is easier to be nice and servant-spirited to non Christians than to actively explain to them in truth and love why we believe the gospel and why we think Jesus wants them to love him too. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, but I think that maybe some people justify the (inadvertent or deliberate) separation of preaching the gospel and living the gospel on grounds that they think are theological and moral but are really more down to our human fears and insecurities and shortcomings.
I am not just affirming one side of the dilemma, saying that we should preach the gospel and everything else is secondary or dispensable. I think that they cannot be separated - to live the gospel is to preach it in word and deed. And as the apostles rightly acknowledged, different people will have different gifts that they can use to serve God and people - as it says in Corinthians, some people will be preachers, others will be pastors, teachers, prophets, etc... But the point is that as a church we are one body that is seeking to represent Jesus and his message to the world, and all of us are required to encourage the sharing and spreading of the gospel in any way possible. In relationships on the day to day level this will involve serving with acts of love and explaining the hope that we have.
All things that we all need to reflect on.
Acts is an unfolding of the apostles trying to carry out the Great Commission that Jesus commanded them, to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them all that he has commanded (Mt 28:18); the apostles hold on to this command, as when Peter says to the Gentiles that "he commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one appointed by God to be the judge of the living and the dead" (Acts 10:42). Reading Acts, I find myself thinking: proclaiming the gospel is a command of Christ - it is not an option, not something that is subordinate to good works and service, that we don't really have to do or can choose to shy away from. It is a positive command, an imperative. Jesus has commanded us to make disciples and teach people the gospel way of living.
This emphasis is shown throughout Acts and the movements of the apostles. Wherever they go, they actively and boldly (amazingly boldly!) proclaim the word of God, the gospel message, and what God has done for his people. I was really struck by the power of the gospel they proclaim (crowds instantly believe and are transformed, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, healing and signs and miracles), and how the apostles never shirked from opposition or persecution, or minced their words, even when the ways in which they preached the gospel were often quite harsh and would be deemed totally un-PC today. So Peter, speaking with such courage and conviction to the Jewish authorities, explaining the means by which a lame man was healed, basically tells them that it was accomplished through the power of Jesus who they crucified, and "there is salvation in no one else." (Acts 4.12) And when Peter is speaking to Simon, a recent convert and ex magician, after he wrongly wants to buy with money the ability to give people the Holy Spirit, he doesn't hold back in condemning Simon's behaviour - "Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity." And Simon responds with repentance!(Acts 8:20-24)
The apostles were not scared when they proclaimed the gospel. They were not worried that what they were saying would not be inclusive or PC enough. They were aware of the truth, power, and scandalous offensiveness of the gospel, they had such faith in the gospel and what God wanted them to do, and wanted to share this earth-shattering message of hope and salvation with everyone. And they proclaimed the gospel out of their love for God and to share the love of God, not for self-centred reasons or out of a desire to exclude. And they accomplished great things with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I feel so challenged by this. I know that I and many people find it hard to share faith and preach the gospel because of fear, fear of other people's opinions or feelings, of being rejected or appearing to reject others. It is a valid worry in a world where the Christian message has been distorted and expressed to people in harmful ways that have nothing to do with the gospel and the love that Jesus wanted us to show towards others. I know that many Christians and communities consequently find themselves in a place where they avoid preaching the gospel, focusing their energies on other things and inadvertently or deliberately downplaying the necessity of evangelism and teaching.
There is nothing wrong with these other things in themselves - service, striving for social justice, good works... These are good things commanded and encouraged by God. The life of the Acts community engaged in these things too, selling their possessions and distributing financial aid to widows and people in need, providing relief to those who needed it. But these things were never done in isolation from sharing the gospel with those who had not heard it or did not believe it. Sharing the gospel was always an emphasis, and the life of the community was always a continuation and expression of the faith that they had, transforming their lifestyles and making them servants of the gospel in all areas of their life.
Have a look at Acts 6. Here a situation arises where some widows in need are being neglected and not receiving enough aid in the daily distributions. The apostles respond to this by picking seven strong and faithful disciples to serve in this way, while continuing to devote themselves to prayer and the ministry of the word, saying that "It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables." (Acts 6:1-7)
What does this mean for us? The apostles tell the Christian community that "it is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables". Preaching the gospel is something that cannot be dispensed with or given up and replaced with something else. At the same time the apostles delegate the duty of service to certain chosen disciples, affirming its vital importance and the different gifts and callings that different followers had.
I note all these things because for a while I have believed, in reaction to many frustrations I have had with some hardline conservative evangelical approaches to the gospel that have one-sidedly stressed evangelism and the Bible over against all other vital aspects of Christian life and mission, that preaching the gospel overtly was somehow something that wasn't all that important in community and church. In being swept away with the negativity of past experiences in other Christian communities, I have become reactionary in my view of evangelism, failing to come to terms with the reality of the Acts community and way that the church of the apostles operated.
I believe that we need to find a way to preach the gospel that is powerful and accessible and makes sense to the people we live with today. When the apostles shared the gospel message with fellow Jews, they explained how Jesus fit into God's salvation history and was the fulfilment of Old Testament hopes and expectations as expressed in scripture. Stephen's speech in Acts 7, his defence of himself and the gospel, is amazingly powerful, and must have been even more so for the Jews who heard it. The apostles explained the gospel in ways that made sense to the people who were listening to them. I believe that we need to learn how to do this; we need to know and understand what people's hopes, dreams, fears, and expectations are in the 21st century context in which we live, and figure out how to live and speak out the truth of the gospel message in ways that will make sense to our contemporaries.
I also believe that maybe in our culture we have lost the sense of the power of the gospel. The apostles and Acts community saw and were channels of real gospel transformation around them because they really, truly knew and had faith in the power of the gospel themselves. Stephen was stoned praying to God for his executioners to be forgiven. Reading Acts, I found myself constantly doing double takes and asking, Do I believe the gospel this much? Do I have that kind of faith and intimacy with the Holy Spirit? Because I think that if I genuinely believed the gospel in the way the apostles did, out of such a deep, deep place in me, I would talk about it and proclaim it a lot more than I do. So this is a challenge to ourselves and our faith just as much as it is an ecclesiastical / missiological challenge.
I think we are comfortable, too. Not just in terms of socio economics, but also in terms of our culture and the way we relate to one another. What I mean is that for the average Christian in the privileged/developed world, to follow the Jesus way isn't really a path of suffering and persecution. In our interactions we are afraid and worried even of saying things that might not please the other person, so explaining the gospel to a non Christian is so difficult. So in our culture we feel the need to scale down the scandal of the gospel, the inherent offensiveness and discomfort of it to those who don't believe. Maybe we sacrifice the scandal of the gospel for comfortable inclusiveness, because we fear upsetting people, and we fear that we will lose the popularity and social gain that we so desperately desire for ourselves.
In many ways it is easier to be nice and servant-spirited to non Christians than to actively explain to them in truth and love why we believe the gospel and why we think Jesus wants them to love him too. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, but I think that maybe some people justify the (inadvertent or deliberate) separation of preaching the gospel and living the gospel on grounds that they think are theological and moral but are really more down to our human fears and insecurities and shortcomings.
I am not just affirming one side of the dilemma, saying that we should preach the gospel and everything else is secondary or dispensable. I think that they cannot be separated - to live the gospel is to preach it in word and deed. And as the apostles rightly acknowledged, different people will have different gifts that they can use to serve God and people - as it says in Corinthians, some people will be preachers, others will be pastors, teachers, prophets, etc... But the point is that as a church we are one body that is seeking to represent Jesus and his message to the world, and all of us are required to encourage the sharing and spreading of the gospel in any way possible. In relationships on the day to day level this will involve serving with acts of love and explaining the hope that we have.
All things that we all need to reflect on.
Sunday 14 February 2010
Promises
Just got back to Bristol; it has been a difficult time for Dave and his family and I went down to be with him and them this weekend to try and offer any support I could. Dave's grandfather passed away yesterday night, and I am praying for an overriding sense of comfort and peace for them all.
In addition to everything else, being with Dave this weekend and being there for him got me thinking in a deeper way about our upcoming marriage, and the promises we will be making to each other.
To have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
til death do us part
according to God's holy law
And it got me thinking: I really love him. I want to be there for him through it all. I really love him.
That's all I have to say, really.
In addition to everything else, being with Dave this weekend and being there for him got me thinking in a deeper way about our upcoming marriage, and the promises we will be making to each other.
To have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
til death do us part
according to God's holy law
And it got me thinking: I really love him. I want to be there for him through it all. I really love him.
That's all I have to say, really.
Monday 8 February 2010
Some thoughts to get the ball rolling...
Back from my long weekend in Oxford, and getting back into the swing of Bristol. Being away gave me some time to think on and off about my big question, to talk to Dave and some people at Wycliffe about it, which was really helpful. Realizing that I am friends with lots of wise theologians! Conversations have been really productive and good for me. Even though I hated a lot of my three years studying Theology I am realizing now that I do miss having deeper conversations about issues (the ones that matter), wrestling with them, getting people's studied and thought through opinions on them. It has been good.
Ever since becoming a Christian when I was 16/17, I have struggled with the issue of how to share the gospel with others; my family are not Christian and my friends in high school were not Christian either, and I think it is fair to say that I have spent most of my life moving in non-Christian circles. I have never known how to share my faith in a way that wasn't awkward for me or them, or in a way that was instantly disregarded or just generally a little bit weak either in content or presentation. I often found myself pushed to shy away from the topic. When I went to university, in many ways I became reactionary against the often unhelpful approach of many hard line conservative evangelicals in my college and in the Oxford CUs, and picked up the mentality that evangelism is about lifestyle and not words, that it is about living out a distinct and different kind of life and character that people notice and are prompted to ask questions about because they want what you have (radical love, grace, compassion, joy, freedom). I inadvertently subscribed to the view that proactively preaching the gospel with words is unnecessary. People will ask questions in response to your behaviour (your good works, your faith that shines through), and then you will answer them, and that's evangelism.
I carried that into threesixty in September, with all my theological and personal baggage, and in the past few months I have really began to question and wonder about my assumptions. I always hope that we are embodying something of the gospel and Jesus' loving example with the kids and people that we work with everyday, that we are evangelizing with our lives and not just in an abstract way through empty words. And we are cautious about the issue of religion in the Academy and local community, thinking that we mustn't impose our values and lifeview on people, that we must be careful not to give people a preach. But I have wondered whether this approach is enough. I have wondered whether there is a very real gap, a lack, where preaching the gospel - with words - is necessary. Important. Vital.
What I mean is that as Christians we aren't perfect. We mess up just as much as anyone else, not just in the sense of the mistakes we make but also in the sense of the things that are off kilter within us. We are all imperfect, we are all sinners.
In an ideal world we would all be able to evangelize purely through lifestyle and wait for people to ask the questions, so that we don't cause discomfort or awkwardness or tread on sensitive ground by speaking uncomfortable gospel truths. We could all let our works shine out of our faith and people would know and believe in the gospel. But in reality cases of that are very rare. I can think of 3 people I have met in my entire life who have in some sense evangelized to me through their distinct character and lifestyle, provoking me to question them about how I can have what they have without actively initiating a conversation about the gospel themselves (incidentally, I met all these people after having become a Christian, and it was more about recognizing Jesus and the work of the gospel in them). But the more I think about it, the more I am realizing that this isn't the norm. I wish it was, and I wish all Christians could be that inspiring. But we grow and change and fail and try again, and the Christian life is a long and arduous growing journey. I am beginning to think about reasons why we need to preach the gospel and share our faith with words, why our good works and actions are not enough.
Firstly, like I said, we aren't always good! We mess up, and if we are waiting for people to notice something different and attractive and good about us and ask us questions so that we are tell them about why we are the way we are and do the things we do, then we might spend the rest of our lives waiting in futility. I am beginning to think that that is what is going to happen to me, because I don't think I will ever be that type of person who is almost saintly, inspiring, and radically free.
Secondly, people don't necessarily connect good works with religion. Some people don't feel the need to ask more questions about why a person is such an inspiring example, they don't think there is any deeper driving force. You don't have to be Christian or religious to be a social activist, to be a moral exemplar, to be extraordinarily happy person. People might not know to ask the question why, or might not know the gospel at all so might have no inkling of a need to make the connection.
I think the gospel is so much more than a reason for morality, it is more than an abstract belief system. It cuts deep into the core of the human condition and need, into the meaning of life and the universe. If we genuinely believe that Jesus and the gospel are central to people's salvation and well-being in the complete and holistic sense, then I believe that we need to share this with people in a way they will understand, so that they can have a chance to respond to it. And this must be with actions and words. One cannot be separated from the other. We must live the gospel and that includes speaking about it.
I find a helpful summary from Dave's friend and mentor at Wycliffe, "There is more to Christian ministry than just an articulation of the gospel, but I would affirm that it is not less than that."
Besides, we talk about things that we are passionate about and that mean something to us, that have been helpful to us. When we want another person to benefit from the good that we get from something, we talk to them about it.
The question is not then whether or not we should preach the gospel (with words), but how we should do it. We all know that there are unhelpful, harmful, unloving, empty and irrevelant ways to evangelize, but what does an effective, truthful, loving, contemporary and appropriate way to evangelize look like?
That's what I want to find out. I was reading a bit of 'Chasing the Dragon' today, and was so struck by Jackie Pullinger's retelling of the conversions she witnesses after her proclaiming of the gospel. I found myself thinking - What is missing? What is missing in the way I am sharing my faith? Do I believe that the gospel has that kind of power? Do I know and trust God and his message that much, to share the gospel in that way with that kind of power?
I feel similarly reading the book of Acts. I am just completely blown away. There was no sense of being hesitant to speak the truth of the gospel out, no fear of imposing a lifeview, such faith on the part of the apostles in the words and God they were proclaiming. I find myself thinking again - what is missing here?
So I'm thinking, in starting to grapple with this question, I am going to start with the book of Acts. I think we have so much to learn from the early Christian community, and a lot to think about in terms of what we can take from them into the time and place that we are now.
More thoughts forthcoming.
Ever since becoming a Christian when I was 16/17, I have struggled with the issue of how to share the gospel with others; my family are not Christian and my friends in high school were not Christian either, and I think it is fair to say that I have spent most of my life moving in non-Christian circles. I have never known how to share my faith in a way that wasn't awkward for me or them, or in a way that was instantly disregarded or just generally a little bit weak either in content or presentation. I often found myself pushed to shy away from the topic. When I went to university, in many ways I became reactionary against the often unhelpful approach of many hard line conservative evangelicals in my college and in the Oxford CUs, and picked up the mentality that evangelism is about lifestyle and not words, that it is about living out a distinct and different kind of life and character that people notice and are prompted to ask questions about because they want what you have (radical love, grace, compassion, joy, freedom). I inadvertently subscribed to the view that proactively preaching the gospel with words is unnecessary. People will ask questions in response to your behaviour (your good works, your faith that shines through), and then you will answer them, and that's evangelism.
I carried that into threesixty in September, with all my theological and personal baggage, and in the past few months I have really began to question and wonder about my assumptions. I always hope that we are embodying something of the gospel and Jesus' loving example with the kids and people that we work with everyday, that we are evangelizing with our lives and not just in an abstract way through empty words. And we are cautious about the issue of religion in the Academy and local community, thinking that we mustn't impose our values and lifeview on people, that we must be careful not to give people a preach. But I have wondered whether this approach is enough. I have wondered whether there is a very real gap, a lack, where preaching the gospel - with words - is necessary. Important. Vital.
What I mean is that as Christians we aren't perfect. We mess up just as much as anyone else, not just in the sense of the mistakes we make but also in the sense of the things that are off kilter within us. We are all imperfect, we are all sinners.
In an ideal world we would all be able to evangelize purely through lifestyle and wait for people to ask the questions, so that we don't cause discomfort or awkwardness or tread on sensitive ground by speaking uncomfortable gospel truths. We could all let our works shine out of our faith and people would know and believe in the gospel. But in reality cases of that are very rare. I can think of 3 people I have met in my entire life who have in some sense evangelized to me through their distinct character and lifestyle, provoking me to question them about how I can have what they have without actively initiating a conversation about the gospel themselves (incidentally, I met all these people after having become a Christian, and it was more about recognizing Jesus and the work of the gospel in them). But the more I think about it, the more I am realizing that this isn't the norm. I wish it was, and I wish all Christians could be that inspiring. But we grow and change and fail and try again, and the Christian life is a long and arduous growing journey. I am beginning to think about reasons why we need to preach the gospel and share our faith with words, why our good works and actions are not enough.
Firstly, like I said, we aren't always good! We mess up, and if we are waiting for people to notice something different and attractive and good about us and ask us questions so that we are tell them about why we are the way we are and do the things we do, then we might spend the rest of our lives waiting in futility. I am beginning to think that that is what is going to happen to me, because I don't think I will ever be that type of person who is almost saintly, inspiring, and radically free.
Secondly, people don't necessarily connect good works with religion. Some people don't feel the need to ask more questions about why a person is such an inspiring example, they don't think there is any deeper driving force. You don't have to be Christian or religious to be a social activist, to be a moral exemplar, to be extraordinarily happy person. People might not know to ask the question why, or might not know the gospel at all so might have no inkling of a need to make the connection.
I think the gospel is so much more than a reason for morality, it is more than an abstract belief system. It cuts deep into the core of the human condition and need, into the meaning of life and the universe. If we genuinely believe that Jesus and the gospel are central to people's salvation and well-being in the complete and holistic sense, then I believe that we need to share this with people in a way they will understand, so that they can have a chance to respond to it. And this must be with actions and words. One cannot be separated from the other. We must live the gospel and that includes speaking about it.
I find a helpful summary from Dave's friend and mentor at Wycliffe, "There is more to Christian ministry than just an articulation of the gospel, but I would affirm that it is not less than that."
Besides, we talk about things that we are passionate about and that mean something to us, that have been helpful to us. When we want another person to benefit from the good that we get from something, we talk to them about it.
The question is not then whether or not we should preach the gospel (with words), but how we should do it. We all know that there are unhelpful, harmful, unloving, empty and irrevelant ways to evangelize, but what does an effective, truthful, loving, contemporary and appropriate way to evangelize look like?
That's what I want to find out. I was reading a bit of 'Chasing the Dragon' today, and was so struck by Jackie Pullinger's retelling of the conversions she witnesses after her proclaiming of the gospel. I found myself thinking - What is missing? What is missing in the way I am sharing my faith? Do I believe that the gospel has that kind of power? Do I know and trust God and his message that much, to share the gospel in that way with that kind of power?
I feel similarly reading the book of Acts. I am just completely blown away. There was no sense of being hesitant to speak the truth of the gospel out, no fear of imposing a lifeview, such faith on the part of the apostles in the words and God they were proclaiming. I find myself thinking again - what is missing here?
So I'm thinking, in starting to grapple with this question, I am going to start with the book of Acts. I think we have so much to learn from the early Christian community, and a lot to think about in terms of what we can take from them into the time and place that we are now.
More thoughts forthcoming.
Monday 1 February 2010
Hi. Hello. Welcome.
So, welcome to my blog. Here you will read about all the weird and wonderful wanderings that go on in the crazy mind that is Mel. You will laugh, you will cry, you will walk away with your life transformed... Or something like that.
The big threesixty question I have picked to think about is one that I've wanted to consider in-depth for quite a while now but have never really gotten the chance to. I am asking: how should we share or preach the gospel? What does an authentic and effective way to share the gospel look like in our culture and in our lives today? How do we share our faith with non-Christians in a way that is true, sensitive, powerful, and relevant?
So, I guess, watch this space for more ground breaking and exciting developments to come.
The big threesixty question I have picked to think about is one that I've wanted to consider in-depth for quite a while now but have never really gotten the chance to. I am asking: how should we share or preach the gospel? What does an authentic and effective way to share the gospel look like in our culture and in our lives today? How do we share our faith with non-Christians in a way that is true, sensitive, powerful, and relevant?
So, I guess, watch this space for more ground breaking and exciting developments to come.
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