Accepting

I felt quite overwhelmed tonight. We had a Taize service at church this evening, and in the midst of moments of tiredness and my mind wandering, I was really struck in the silence and the reflection.

I was struck by God's blessings - over my whole life, over the course of our time here in Buckingham, though it has been hard emotionally and physically. I felt really overwhelmed by how God has provided for us here, sometimes slowly but always surely, sometimes in big, material, palpable ways. By the opportunities that have come up as a result of the door closing on my original job offer, by the way things are gradually falling into place, relationships forming and things settling.

I was struck by the fact that I need to humbly accept - to accept whatever God is giving or taking away, to accept what he has in store for us, even when we don't understand. To humbly accept the good things, seeing them for the blessings that they are, and the bad things and harder times, continuing to praise him and know his constant love and goodness that never changes, no matter what happens to us and what we feel. I was just struck by a humble sense of worship of my huge, loving Father, so patient with me, despite all my detours, so close by.

A sense that I need to humbly accept everything that he has put before me - the place and role that Dave and I are in here and now, the difficulties we are working through, the church that he has led us to, the fact that he chooses to use the church universal at all, the need to keep fighting and loving amidst the disillusioning fallenness of humanity. The baggage and anger and everything that he has always called me to let go of and forgive. The commands and the path that we all need to follow. I was just struck by the fact that I need to just humbly accept what God wants for us corporately and for me individually.

I was struck by the fact that I trust God, that I am so grateful, and these things are what I need to do. All so simple and yet so complicated.