Haters gonna hate

I am 26 years old, and finally realised something this week.

It's time to grow up.

I imagine a lot of us go through life worrying about what other people think of us. We worry about other's approval, our status, people's perceptions of our success. We think of ourselves as independent, rebellious, self-sufficient, but suddenly someone says something someday which can make us question the whole of our self-worth - even if for a second. People's praise can make our day and people's criticism can break it.

I don't think this is just me.

It feels nice to be liked. That's the truth. And who doesn't want that? Who doesn't want to be respected, praised and looked up to? For most people, other people's estimation of us matters. I think this is fairly normal. It's an inevitable side-effect of human nature being fundamentally relational. We are made to be in relationship with one another.

But this week it all struck me.

You see - we humans are fickle creatures. We are imperfect. We back bite, sling mud, and hurt each other. We crucify one another.

I thought of Mother Teresa's words. Her children's home in Calcutta reputedly had this written on one of its walls.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 

If you are successful, you will win some faithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. 

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. 

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. 

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. 

Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. 

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

I like to summarise this wisdom as follows:

Haters gonna hate.

 
It may not come as a huge surprise to many of you, but I tend to overthink things. When I receive any form of criticism I tend to take it to heart and think about all the ways in which the criticism is true and all the ways in which I fall short. Exhausting, I know.

But yesterday I was thinking about this taken to its logical extreme. I realised that even if I were absolutely perfect and the kindest, most gentle, most true and capable person in the world, I would still be hated by some.

Because I thought of Jesus. I thought of this amazing and flawless man who was also God, and I thought of how he was crucified and torn apart.

Even for Jesus - haters gonna hate.

So I leave you with this thought today. Some people will always hate you. For some people you will always be wrong. It may or may not be to do with you. But the truth remains: some people won't ever like you. To live consciously or subconsciously at the whim of other's approval is a waste of time.

Do the best with what you have. That is enough.