Sometimes I look back on my life and I think, my life is a joke. I think, all the facts and information about me, all my interests and drives and passions, the movements and motions of my life could have easily been very quickly looked over by a psychological profiler and they would have come to this simple, ludicrously direct conclusion and explanation of why I do the things I do and make the choices I make. It feels a bit like a farce, a bit of a sham. I know that's not the point of the realization that the counsellor helped me towards, but sometimes, in these more empty moments, it does all feel a bit pointless. I look at my life and I wonder why the point of it was.
I suppose when you dig deeper than you usually content yourself with doing, you don't always find what you're looking for. You don't always know where to go from there, and the knowledge doesn't always bring power and clarity and direction.
I suppose this is where God comes in, where I am meant to be doing what I'm doing, throwing up my hands and saying, I have no idea what to do Lord, I have no idea where or who I am, please help me.
